Tips on how to deal with the fears of re-engaging with life
As social gathering regulations change, we have an increased awareness of our fears. The expected fears of isolation, financial stress, addiction, job security, commercial loss, anger and personal loss are experienced as we are restricted. However, even as we are released, the fears continue.
Do I feel safe inviting people round to our house?
Will people be judging what I look like, what I’ve done, how tidy my house is?
Do I feel comfortable going back to events or places with lots of other people?
Do I feel comfortable getting in a lift?
Do I feel comfortable telling people I don't want to do something?
Can I trust other people? strangers?
Can I trust that we won't be going back into lockdown?
Do I feel safe to share workspaces?
Would I travel by train? Plane? Cross borders?
Our internal threat monitors are frequently triggered and require constant evaluation.
Here are some things to keep in mind for those of us in the 'release' stage (I'm in Melbourne so we are truly in reintegration here!). Fear is not binary like the right and wrong of regulations, and so for many, we cannot switch off our fears quite as quickly as the regulations change.
Some will jump on the changes quickly, accepting all freedoms in regulations, visiting places, people and experiences. Others will be uncertain and tentative. We are all different. Neither is better, take responsibility for your own journey and do not judge others for theirs.
We do need to have our eye on reintegration. With loneliness sitting at a record high and the mental health statistics looking worrying, we must have an eye on moving back into settings where we can socialise and not fear others, places or experiences. The alternative is that we allow our fear to rule and we continue to avoid reintegration. This makes us incredibly vulnerable physically and emotionally.
It is normal to have some fears, we have been in the habit of not having a choice, the habit of listening to the fears of others and of course using our growing knowledge to help us understand our personal and our community risks.
As with all fears, if we don’t move towards them, they gain in power. If we do not have a mind on reintegration we are making it harder for ourselves not easier.
Grading your exposure to events that are difficult will help you see the progress you need to make and the starting point for your first step. Keep in mind the idea of progressing steps one at a time and reward yourself for your progress.
If you manage a new step, see if you can focus on the excitement of the experience rather than the fear. The only real difference between the two is what you think. If you can keep it playful rather than projecting negatively into the future, you will be able to get that thrill of being alive that comes with the physical feelings of the unknown.
Support others with their own journey and encourage them towards the next step, not the final one.
Learn about anxiety and management of fear.
If you are looking to stretch into a new relationship with your fear, I'd love you to join me and hundreds of others in The Courage Club. You will learn the tools to overcome your fears whether they are physical, social or you just want to stand up, show up or step up to a bigger version of you.
I would love to hear from you about how you are doing and what this article has made you think of.
NEWS….
I'm so excited to share with you my new book
the loudest guest - How to change your relationship with fear - release date is 27th of January 2021
Special offer for you if you order before the release date.
To pre-order, please go to Booktopia or my website
Unite - Julia Steel - www.unitethebook.com
Unite is your gateway to the wisdom shared during the extraordinary VID19 conference. Over 19 days, 172 leading thinkers and experts from around the world generously shared their best ideas. This book brings together thirteen of those courageous leadership messages, artfully curated by VID19’s creator and host Julia Steel. Positive, powerful and practical, the insights shared are a beacon to help you navigate the way ahead.
Co-Authors: Julia Steel, Mykel Dixon, Rachel Callender, Shantelle Thompson, Digby Scott, Alicia McKay, Lynne Cazaly, Winitha Bonney, Adam Voigt, Cathy Burke, Cameron Schwab, Lisa O'Neill.
Here are the headlines of my contribution on taking control of your fear
Fear is essential in helping us keep safe. It warns us of risks and influences our behaviour to avoid those risks. However, when fear dominates, it shouts at us to avoid change, to play small, fit in and keep quiet, not to shine or rock the boat. It commands us to avoid conversations that are difficult, people who challenge our status quo and anything which could bring uncertainty. It keeps us rigid, divides us from each other and in turn the future we desire. The chapter talks through the six steps to control our fear so that we can choose when to listen to our fears and when we must work hard to ignore their commands.
What the hell do we do now - Hagen, Butler and Hodgson - on Amazon
In What The Hell Do We Do Now, 18 authors explore the tools and frameworks that can help you and your organisation navigate and emerge from the crisis in better shape than when you entered it. Drawing on their own research across a wide range of domains, the chapters follow the narrative arc of Victoria Lynn Schmidt’s Heroine’s Journey, the classic story-telling formula of heroes who are thrust into chaos and return transformed through the challenges they face. The book was also incredibly kindly (by Butler, Hagen and Hodgson) dedicated to my very special uncles whose lives were cut tragically short by COVID-19 earlier this year.
Co-authors: Mary Butler, Alex Hagen, Brent Hodgson, Rebecca Sutherns, Richard Hudge, Dr Monique Beedles, Mark Butler, Lynne Cazaly, Andrew Deering, Alessandra Edwards, Celeste Halliday, Darin Fox, Simon Rudderham, Jennifer Kenny, Paul Matthews, Callum McKirdy, Fiona Roberson.
Here are the headlines of my contribution on mindsafety
Our performance at work relies on our ability to manage our emotions safely regardless of our environment or its challenges. The chapter talks through the ways our emotions risk our collective performance. Consciousness (self and others), compassion (self and towards others) and courageous behaviours are our tools for high team performance.
Some ways to work with me
Remarkable teaming behaviour is built on strong connections and courageous communication. This program gives you faster decisions, higher quality work and frictionless interpersonal systems. For collectives who want to work better together. The Safe Space Program
Training your managers to help them have conversations that drive performance and engagement (including giving and receiving feedback, difficult conversations and the responsibility of leadership. Conversations Create Growth
Accessing one of my keynotes for your internal organisation or to recommend me to speak at an industry event. Speaking
Of course, I'd also be delighted to talk if you think I can help +61 421 955 700
Amy helps teams use the psychology of groups to their advantage. Her programs drive connection, communication and courage for remarkable achievements. Please see The Safe Space and DrAmySilver.com