They think I’m stupid/boring/time-wasting/needy
Social acceptability is important to us humans, and so running an inner dialogue guessing what others think of us is actually very useful. It can help us stay within the expected norms, values and morals of society. It can help us avoid exclusion (one of our primary drivers).
However, sometimes, our internal dialogue about what other people think of us is a little oversensitive and JUST SO LOUD!!!
So loud, it can blur our vision, block out sound, shut out clever thinking and it can even start to tell us what to do by sending us messages of avoidance, 'don't speak', 'don't bring that up', 'join in with what they're saying', 'don't show what your thinking'.
Worst of all, it can lead us to put our fears above our truth, assimilate at all cost (even against our values or desires), avoid conversations, even avoid experiences we may like.
Our inner dialogue shouts at us to play small.
Are your social fears screaming at you to stay small?
The irony is, of course, that the more we listen to our social fears and act as if they are true, the more they makes us vulnerable. Avoidance reduces our experiences (and opportunities to learn) and our fears expand.
This is what I know so far about how to deal with loud internal dialogue about what others think of me:
Thank my dialogue for being there and keeping me on track
Tell myself that my social fears have got louder than necessary and distance myself from feeling attached to it (the voice is not me, I am above this voice)
Ask myself what my intention is, what is my goal, what am I trying to do, what deserves my attention
Tell my social fears to carry on talking if it chooses but I’m going to focus on my goal/intention (remember the voice is always there if you need it)
If I’m really ‘stuck’ in my head I start writing things down
Action, move forward towards my goal/intention
Work out when, where, how, why I have this sense (like a scientist, from a detached position) so I can become a master of the voice, the triggers, and my ways of moving forward.
Remember this is a long practice game, I am practising and getting more knowledgeable all the time.
The next intake of The Courage Club is 7th March and early bird is now available, click this: Early Bird Link to get the early bird promo. We spend time thinking about social fears so you can move past the voices and into a bigger game. You cannot imagine the progress our current clubbers are making, this is the place to play safely and master your fears.
Some ways to work with me
Facilitating meaningful and action-focused conversations for collectives that are progressing with team excellence behaviours and/or conversations that require safety and care to progress effectively with accountability by all.
Remarkable teaming behaviour is built on strong connections and courageous communication. This program gives you faster decisions, higher quality work and frictionless interpersonal systems. For collectives who want to work better together. The Safe Space Program
Training your managers to help them have conversations that drive performance and engagement (including giving and receiving feedback, difficult conversations and the responsibility of leadership. Conversations Create Growth
Driving self- management and behavioural flexibility for people to adapt, control their best self and influence strongly those around them. Self-management
Accessing one of my keynotes for your internal organisation or to recommend me to speak at an industry event. Speaking
Of course, I'd also be delighted to talk if you think I can help +61 421 955 700
Amy helps teams use the psychology of groups to their advantage. Her programs drive connection, communication and courage for remarkable achievements. Please see The Safe Space and DrAmySilver.com